Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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