is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
