video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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