U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
