I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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