so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dick very happy bro
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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