I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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