Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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