id be glad to
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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