Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
