If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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