Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
