oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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