you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
