your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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