I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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