just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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