I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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