We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
