I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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