Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
