Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
no, he came in my armpit
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
