I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
