whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
