remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
