If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
