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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this will be a night to untag.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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