She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
