I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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