I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
