Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
