addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
