there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is Oprah even human
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
