they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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