I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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