My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
