come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
