Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
