you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
