I hate your face
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
