I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
