OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
