I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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