he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
