My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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