Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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