One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
