When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
