I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
