So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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