You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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