and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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