I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
