Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
